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Hello. I'm moving. Friend me.

"And I whom never, ever said goodbye as I slipped away. Goodbye, baby. I hope your heart's not broken. Don't forget me. Yes, I was outspoken. You were with me all the time. I'll be with you one day."

I'm going on a break for a while. I mean, you'll be able to get to me, I won't be that far. But I think I'm about six years past due for a...time of reflection. I've gotten myself into a real...something, and I need to fix it out...there, before I can exert my efforts here. My heart is still strongly attached, but my heart doesn't belong here anymore. And yet, I can't tear it away. It still plagues my dreams. And so, for the next few weeks (at least), I'm looking for catharsis. Once I've achieved that total cleansing, I'll come back.

You whom I have loved too dearly,

Happy (belated) Birthday. I'm so proud of you. Another year, and I'm sure it's full of accomplishments. You're...so different now. And at one point, that scared the hell out of me, and now I see that you're such a...something. Something beautiful that I can't even put into words. I hope for your continued success in the coming years. I hope for your continued happiness.

I have a thing for guys in character. Obviously.

So, I've found a solution to my being pwned issue.

I'm giving Tommy a bag full of fireworks, dressing him up like V, and making him speak in quotes. And V's.

*Cheesy thumbs up.*

You know, I think it could work. But then he'd be all "MASK CAUSING LACK OF OXYGEN." and I'd be all. "Oh, V. You're so damn cute." and then he'd die.

...NEW PLAN.

(Not really.)

...Promise ring? (Read: "Marry me. Eventually.")

Well. Okay. Um.

It's shiny?

And you rock. So much. And yeah, I'd marry you in a hot second.

Just not...today. Maybe after a year of dating? Or five?

Or after you figure out that I don't know what I want, and I might never know?

...God. Puppy dog eyes.

I'll keep it. *sigh.* But it's not happening for a LONG time. If ever.

...So shiny.

At the Heart.: shocked
From the Lips.: Damaged by Love- Tom Petty

Groupware.

...Go. 

(Essentially, I haven't got a clue about what it is. Tell me. Please.)

So. I have a stalker. His name is Quincy. He is freaky/nasty. The worst part is, I pretty much brought it on myself. Why? I was fucking nice. I was nice to him when everyone else was putting him down. And now he's showing up at my house, after walking ten miles, from town. In the freezing rain.

So, it's the middle of the night. And I'm sleeping, as people do. And I hear this knock on my window (the one night I leave my blinds open to see the rain x.x) and I wake up, fast as as I can, and grab one of my swords off the dresser. As I'm trying to adjust, and freaking out, I see him there, waving. 

...
...
...

So, I get up, put on my robe. Walk outside. And tell him to fuck off, and if he doesn't get the fuck off the property, I'm calling the cops.

And he gives me puppy dog eyes. 

Maybe this would be different if he hadn't been following me around two days prior, or if I hadn't caught him in the girl's dressing area of the green room, rummaging through my street clothes. But it's the middle of the goddamn night, and there's a 400lb. kid in my front yard. 

I go back inside, and he goes home.

Moral is: Be a fucking bitch. It's so much easier.

Where is Home?: Home. Doors locked.
At the Heart.: nauseated
From the Lips.: Land of Confusion

If I could ride this slide into forever, What would I give to getaway?
That pain that stayed seemed like forever. What would you give to getaway?

I know this is how I could be over you, You know this is not another waste of time.
All this holding on can’t be wrong. Just come back to me and I am not alone.

You had your man, your fan, but not forever. You should have let him, You should have let him getaway.
But your pride made you ride on this slide by his side to his lies, seemed like forever..
What would you give to getaway?

I know this is how I could be over you, You know this is not another waste of time.
All this holding on can’t be wrong. Just come back to me and I am not alone.
To getaway…

And I know this is how I could be over you, you know that I am not another waste of time.
All this holding on can’t be wrong. If you come back to me so I am not alone.
To getaway…

I don't know how far our news extends, being that Mount Vernon is po-dunk-ass-nowhere. But, last friday evening after the high school let out, and two hours before the football homecoming game began, two of my friends were involved in a car accident. One didn't make it.

I knew Aayla only through her boyfriend, Trenten. I've known Trent since...before I can remember. This whole thing strikes me very hard, because Aayla might have been my twin sister, and she lead the life that I can only imagine, she was a rebel, saved by grace. A cheerleader, and simply so full of life and energy that she just...glowed. She had the boy who might as well have been Allan, swear to God, I think I've made the comparison before to him. Well, except the bleach blonde mohawk. She was just over six feet tall, had long blonde hair, but she was simply gorgeous. People always mistook me for her, and vice versa. She was a fairy tale. Her brother has white blonde hair, and his name is Wiley. And Wiley is JUST like Erik.

She was going to Lauren Dodd's house to get ready for the homecoming ceremony, and pulled into the path of a pick up truck. If you've seen the vehicle, the entire passenger side is gone. Aayla was the passenger.

The game was cancelled, and the entire town flocked to the church. There were so many broken hearts. Trent ran up on the side walk were I was sitting, trying to get the message out. He picked me up, and made me drop my phone. And he just held me.

I don't know what you say to that. What do you say to your friend who's best friend in all the world is just...gone? There's no reasoning, no anything.

Her funeral was yesterday. It was...a strange service. Her aunt turned it into a message about how great and wonderful she was for taking her and Wiley in, blaming her parents. A student got up and tried to amend it, and he did a fairly good job of putting her in her place, as well as comforting us.

We stood outside for an hour and a half waiting after the service was over, waiting for the procession. Once the pallbearers carried her out and placed her in the hearse, it started raining. Steady and slow.

How scripted does it seem to you? How perfect. How...everything.

But that was Aayla.

Lady

How strange a feeling, how eerie it seems
One moment you’re there, now our world falls apart at its seams
But it does not end, ever revolving
No heart can make sense, no mind resolving.
The earth still turns, but stand time stands still
The imagination springs to life
A mental mural of past, present, future
A flurry of unanswered questions
No discernible answers
No words to heal
Something so terrible cannot be real
We fall into warm arms, searching for solace
And are covered by one thousand hands
Five hundred brokenhearted gazes
All searching for the same
And so we stand, in one accord
To fall away, none can afford
We lift our eyes, and raise our hands
And trust you’ve found a better land
And in that moment, wounds will heal
We see you now, ethereal
Lady of the sky, our hearts you steal

-Kris.

IN MY DEFENSE: I told Tiffany that this would happen, and that Samantha was not the appropriate person to bring along as DD.

This will make sense in a second.

So, Jesus came back yesterday, so we decided that we'd hang out in Amish country under big tree. Big Tree is associated with "Hey, Guys. Drinking."

When I was in high school, this seemed like the place I least wanted to be. Now that I'm legal, it works out. So we've got a fuckload of people. (Jesus, Tiffany, Anna, Hilary, Raechael, Jeff, Josh, Myself, Samantha and some other people.)

So, we sat on the edge of the creek and played pass the bottle of tequila until it's gone. It was at this point that Sam decided that she could make cracks about me. So, I sat there, silent, and staring (This has actually been recounted to me by Tiffany.)for about ten minutes while she cackles like a bitch. Then she said something really nasty. It's at this point that I get up and shove her over and put my bootheel in her chest. I just stare at her for a minute, then I tell her slowly and maliciously that she's been the largest source of strife in my life for the past five years, that she's a lying whore, can't handle the truth, and that she was a fat-assed mudblooded(???)bitch, and that she'd better step off.

She never said a word.

I win.

( For those with morbid curiosity. )

More later.